I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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