Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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