i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
