theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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