walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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