Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
