ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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