So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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