Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
