Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
