are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
