Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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