No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
