Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Randomize
