I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
You can't special order awesome
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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