Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
