Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I could make wine with my vomit
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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