There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Randomize
