Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
