So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
