When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Randomize