your parents love me but you hate me
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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