i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
