mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Randomize
