It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
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