She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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