i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize