you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
