I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
