just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
