Dude my mom stole all your condoms
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
