so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
