i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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