When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
