Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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