I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
