Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
