so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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