No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
