help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
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