i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
