Your tits are I can't wait for
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize
