And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
