how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
It's official drugs can't kill me
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
