I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Randomize
