In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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