just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
