if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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