Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
