i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
