In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
