I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
im drinking this country out of the recession.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
