I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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