Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
