haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
