just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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