I met the friendliest cop last night
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
