Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
