He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
