we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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