Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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