Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
