i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
