This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
