I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
