OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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