and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
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