Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
