I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
