The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
