this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
