So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
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