how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
where am i from again
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
