He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
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