There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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