Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Girls should come with a carfax report
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
