The maid of honor just puked.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
