I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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