who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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